I stopped! and had a good hard look at myself.

So, I’ve been MIA a few days. This is because my computer exploded. As in, literally. I was working away and it went SNAP! and blew a fuse in my office. This happened to you? I’m sure it has. But how did you handle it?

My computer is now dead. Apple (bless them) are replacing it and are currently trying to retrieve data…including my book. Personal update: I’m staying calm. And using the opportunity to have a good hard look at myself.


Truth be known, the ordeal has tested me. I’ve been in a state of panic and frustrated beyond what I thought I could endure  – unable to do ANY work during an insanely busy time for me. I’m about to start filming a new show, my book deadline’s getting closer, I have exams…and the rest.

But the intensity has honed my thinking. It’s forced me to look for the lessons.

When you ask, honestly and with enough open, raw desperation, “Why has this happened?”, you get your answer.

In my case, my computer short-circuited before I did. Yes, it’s only a computer. Computer’s don’t have free will. But there is NO TECHNOLOGICAL REASON for it doing what it did. Apple are stumped. The IT guy is stumped. So I’m taking the metaphorical route.

In the lead-up to all this, I was going too fast, loading up too much, taking on more than I could handle. My circuitry was overloaded. I was about to explode. But my computer blew up instead of me. It’s happened twice before. My computer implodes when I need to slow down. It stops me in my tracks, holds up a mirror to myself and I face what I’m doing.

I think energy builds up when there’s too much resistance. Something implodes to create the release. And to make us stop and redirect things.

I choose to see the lesson this way. You might not. I choose to, because it’s helpful. Everything in our lives is a reflection of ourselves. My computer dramas reflect what I’m doing in my life overall – getting too wound-up, too overloaded. If I’m to be honest, my friendships and my health and the way I’m talking to the guy in the sandwich shop down the road are also reflecting what I’m doing. But I’m not noticing it. My computer dies – I notice it. The energy releases here, because it’s where I’m focusing my attention.

So I had to stop. I was forced to. For a few days I kept trying to log on and read emails. But, freakishly, my iphone also went on the blink. And I couldn’t remember any of the passwords to my offline email and my blog…they’re on my computer.

So these are a few things I reflected on about life right now:

* sometimes we just need to choose to tread far more lightly. This is as simple as waking up and deciding “light”, opting for “soft”. It’s a flavour for the day. Try this. Simply choose it as a flavour.

* when “everything goes wrong”, we’re handed a gift. It shows us that life can keep moving forward in spite of the disaster. I haven’t been able to email or do any work in six days. But – amazingly – everything has ticked along and not fallen apart. I need to see this right now.

Sometimes we need to be shown we can trust life. It steers without us. What a relief!!!

* a meltdown gets you vulnerable. It takes off the cruddy layers that keep you in the same patterns. I took advantage of this meltdown and sat with myself for a bit. And saw just how stuck I’d got.

Have you been stopped in your tracks lately, in strange, inexplicable ways? Did the strangeness of it force you to look at yourself in a new light?

Oh, and do you reckon you can choose “light” as your flavour for the rest of the day?

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