This is a quick little tip from first, we make the beast beautiful. I’ve found it to be one of the most popular and follows on from the post “Three ways loved ones can actually help us when we’re anxious as f*ck”.
I followed a thread on an anxiety site one day that discussed the impact of us anxious folk’s control-freakishness on partners. I emerged with this bit of advice to all the bewildered but caring partners out there:
Don’t confuse our need to control our environment with a need to control you.
When we fuss and fret about getting crinkles out of the bed, and ask you to double check that you turned off the taps when you get up to go to the loo in the night, and ask you to stick to plans and call when you say you will, we’re trying to control everything that we think might go wrong and that could trigger a spiral and ruin our time together. We’re truly not aiming to control you. And to all the partners out there, I get that it totally doesn’t look this way to you. It’s a massive stretch, I know. But I humbly invite you to perhaps try to see our intentions through this lens because maybe it will make you feel better about the very tough but noble situation you’re no doubt in.
If you’re anxious and you share this with a loved one, I’d love to know their thoughts. Could you share in the comments?
