I sometimes see my personality quirks as highly expressive boils on the face of life. Too loud, too swollen, too festy. I’ve been feeling this way lately and have been backing away from things a little…to give the world a break from my boils. I could probably put this prettier. But it’s the picture that comes to mind. Many of us resent our quirks, especially those of us who’ve done “work on ourselves”. You know, all that “abandon the ego” stuff…But I’ve had a helpful insight today. I’ll explain….
I was at meditation group Monday night, and my teacher Tim was sharing something about the different stages of transcendence or some such. I can tune out to such speak. I’m about 2984757 lifetimes off transcending. When I meditate I don’t sink blissfully into some ephemeral space where “Wow, I just zoned out…did 20 minutes and three semi-trailers really just pass by?!?”. I don’t drift off anywhere. Nope, my experience is a jerky, nervous, chattery one that is far from inspirational. I’ve written about this before here.
But Monday I tuned back in when Tim mentioned that one of the outcomes of steering oneself to transcendence entailed refining your personality quirks in a fresh way, such that you become more YOU and more LOVEABLE. Two bangs for the buck.
I have many personality quirks. I don’t know where to begin detailing them. I have a deep-seated inclination to flee. It’s a big part of why I ride a bike. So I can flee when the quirk strikes. I have to talk to strangers wherever I go. This always annoyed my mother.
I’m a control freak.